From:Errant
To:*Galactic-Enquirer
Stardate:19990727.2328
Subject:Breaking News

** GE Special Report **

We interrupt your -- *a rubber chicken flies across the camera's field of view, and the reporter readjusts herself in her seat* -- I say, we /interrupt/ your regularly scheduled programming to bring you breaking news from two different parts of the Quadrant. The first story involves the Bajor system, recently occupied by the Cardassian Union. Last night, several Bajorans were killed when their freighter, which illegally attempted to flee the system, ran into cloaked mines and crashed on Bajor. Other would-be escapers were captured by their Cardassian masters, but not without attracting the attention of the Federation.

The camera shifts to display a small group of Starfleet vessels, led by the USS Reliant. "One of these freighters called for assistance, and the First Tactical Fleet responded to the situation. The large Cardassian force in the system, however, made quick work of the fleet and its flagship, disabling the USS Reliant. The battle was quickly joined by the second Tactical Fleet, which engaged the Galor-class cruisers defending the system. Strangely enough, alongside the USS Intrepid was a squadron of Jem'Hadar fighters, which engaged the missile frigates in orbit of Bajor."

"The battle was short and bloody. The Cardassisn Union lost six ships, and it is believed that over three were seriously damaged or crippled, its Galor-class cruisers taking much direct fire from the Second Tactical fleet while the Jem'Hadar destroyed several missile frigates. The UFP lost three starships, with several others heavily damaged, including the USS Intrepid. Dominion losses are negligable, though," the reporter betrays a hint of personal bias on that subject, "They got theirs."

The camera abruptly shifts, catching only the beginning segment of a sudden tirade about the tyranny of the Dominion, to a dull-looking still of the planet Qonos. "Sources from the Klingon Empire report that Admiral Klax'tor, of the Imperial Defense Force, was asassinated a few days ago. The Klingons have thus far been close-mouthed, but all fingers are undeniably pointed at the Dominion." The reporter pauses, and frowns: "Wouldn't surprise me. Those low-down no good changelings and their vat-grown cronies deserve to rot in a--"

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming. 'Great Performances' now resumes midway through the second act of 'Cats,' the longest-running show on the airwaves, celebrating its quadrillionth performance, now in over three thousand languages.