From:Michael
To:*Galactic-Enquirer and Michael
Stardate:20090324.1831
Subject:Campaign Announcement

My fellow Federation citizens, changes of government have occurred frequently in history, and in the history of our people. It is certain, however, that never has there been an election upon which so much has depended. Our great Federation has been afflicted by an unspeakable disease which originated with the Centaurians, and it is being pressed on from all sides with requests for assistance.

Beyond the pressures driving in on us from outside the Federation, we are also slowly being corrupted from within. The Centaurian people, who have long been a thorn in the very side of the United Federation of Planets, have achieved high office and positions of power within the upper echelons of our government. They speak of freedoms, democracy, and the advancement of our peaceful society; yet all the while they have been the driving force behind the spread of this vile affliction across our member worlds. The fact that their planet was afflicted first was no accident. It was designed to cover the tracks which would lead Federation scientists to discover that it was there that the disease was engineered.

This minority of Centaurians, who have so detrimentally affected our territory, must be driven from our space! Running for the office of President is another of their kin, who aims to perpetuate the suffering they have delivered against our people. We have suffered enough! We will not tolerate this mismanagement of our government any longer! We must present a unified front, joining together for common purpose. So I announce my campaign for the office of President of the United Federation of Planets; join me, Adolf Hitler, and together we will restore our Federation to what it should be by driving the Centaurian curs from our borders.