From:Matt
To:*Galactic-Enquirer
Stardate:20071004.0222
Subject:In the news today, a reply.

"...allowing them to insert it all the way in and the twist enough so he could-"
"Sorry, Diane, but in breaking news, we've just received a copy of the reply from the Klingon Empire in regards to the Federation's trade embargo. We go now to Qang Lormogh of the Klingon Empire."

[The tri-foil emblem of the Klingon Empire spins on the screen before fading and the scene reforms to that of a greying Klingon, proud and no less impressive for his age, sitting on a large, stone throne in a dark chamber. His leather robes glitter with studs and medals and his dark eyes stare resolutely at the viewer. He speaks in cal and level tones, his voice deep and rich, almost soothing.]

"My brothers, I come to you tonight hoping to bring clarity to the clouded waters of your so called desire for peace, a peace which may serve you at times but also saps your strength when strength is needed. I speak, of course, of the nest of vipers that is the Cardassian Union.

"The Cardassian Union has, once again, found itself on the losing side of a war started by themselves. They attacked without provocation, they struck without warning, they failed to do more than a wounding of flesh, but it was a wound nonetheless. This is not a one off event, though, this is not the first time the Cardassians have struck, been struck back and found they have underestimated their opponents.

"The Federation, the Romulans and the Klingons are just a few of the Empires that have found the teeth of the Cardassians at their neck in the dark of night and I ask you this; how many more times will the Federation step back and say "This is your last warning, your last chance to redeem yourselves"? When a hound fails to learn its place and keeps biting its master's hand, do you keep it in you home or do you drive it out into the field and strike it down?

"The Federation seems to be labouring under the mistaken idea that we are the aggressors here. Did we strike first? No. Did we provoke attack? No. Were we not once allies with these traitorous beasts? Yes, we were. We cannot stand idly by while we are attacked by cowards, it is in our nature to defend ourselves and defend ourselves we shall do. We are not monsters, though. We do not plan to wipe the species from the stars nor shall we cripple them and leave them without hope. We will help them rebuild under a watchful eye, guiding them in a way that has not been done before. We have learned from the mistakes of others.

"I will leave you with a story, told often to children, but no less relevant here. There is a tale found in many cultures across the stars, and while the details vary slightly from world to world, the moral is the same.

"A man walks through the snow and finds a snake lying on the ground, near death and frozen. He takes the snake into his home and warms it by the fire, feeds it and nurses it back to strength. The snake awakens and the man holds it to his bosom, expecting the gratitude of the revived animal... but the snake bites him and as the man lies dying, comes to the realisation that even if you show kindness and mercy, you cannot change the nature of the snake, but you can show caution.

[The image fades, again replaced by the tri-foil. After a moment, it cuts back to the news desk.]

"Well Diane, it sounds like someone's been eating fortune cookies for breakfast. We'll have to wait to to see what the President has to say about this turn of events, but really, did anyone expect anything less from the Klingons? What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Time for a word from our sponsors."

"o/~ We'll have a fruity oaty good time!!! ~\o"