From:Matt
To:*Galactic-Enquirer
Stardate:20070524.1332
Subject:Let's see what's on the news...

..resulting in the deaths of fourteen people, their mutilated corpses strewn over an area spanning three hundred kilometres. Authorities are ruling the event 'an unfortunate accident'.

In other news just at hand, disgraced former Starfleet Captain, Lynsey Christiansen, has been tried and convicted by the Kaferian government of harbouring a criminal in exile and aiding a criminal in exile. Sources indicate that Commander Christiansen will held pending statement of punishment, though inside sources suggest at least five years imprisonment is likely.

In related news, Starfleet announced the decommissioning of the USS Warrigul today, one of the oldest ships in the fleet and the former research vessel commanded by Commander Christiansen. The Warrigul's crew will be reassigned throughout the fleet.

In finance news, Blek Enterprises announced record high profits last quarter, with the boom being attributed to new holdings in the Romulan/Klingon neutral zone...