From:Matt
To:*Galactic-Enquirer
Stardate:20050425.0454
Subject:All the news that's fit to print.

..which the cabinet deny doing, as they were all drunk at the time.

In other political news, the Kaferian government has officially established trade links with the Rihannsu Stelam Aevumih, cementing their split from the United Federation Of Planets and ending a 75 year trade agreement. The Kaferians broke off relations with the UFP, following the destruction of the original Hellesport station and the poor handling of the Ernstian appeal for membership to the UFP.

When interviewed about the new agreement with the Romulans, the Kaferian had this to say; "The Rihannsu have been very accommodating with our needs and I feel that we will gain nothing but growth and benefit from this new trade agreement. With the Rihannsu backing us, I feel that the renowned Kaferian genetic engineering skills will flourish, no longer hampered by the Federation's restrictions on such things."

In sporting news, the forty eighth pan-galactic ice skating tournament was held yesterday, with the Ferengi skaters claiming that their women are meant to be naked and sub zero temperatures are no excuse...